I remember the annual essay that came each year in September.
I remember stories of neighborhood baseball when we’d play until we lost the ball. I remember the time my dad surprised me with a box of brand new, bright white balls with their red stitches and blue “Official league” stamp. Can you believe I can still smell them and hear the wrinkling of the dry white tissue paper that wrapped each ball? There were stories of bike riding, swimming, and playing war rolling in big refrigerator boxes we made into unstoppable tanks.
Life changes. We change.
This summer has been my liver-lover summer. Everything has been about livers and lovers. First, my liver stepped to the forefront and waved a red flag of warning. Then, in the middle of staggering medical bills, some bare cupboards and uncertainty for mortgage payments, came the lovers. They just love because they are agents of a Love that is incomprehensible. They’ve loved with goodie bags, stocked freezers and money. They’ve loved with gifts that have given us opporttunies to forget, just for a time, that livers exist. We’ve sat at Fenway park, relaxed at Seadogs games and sang songs on the side of a mountain at The Soulfest music festival.
The lovers. They simply love because Jesus has saturated their lives. Like dripping sponges, they have brought me drinks at the driest of times. The Lovers.
I am in the hospital again. It has only been 8 days between visits. Tubes and needles go in and out. Pain medicines have brought relief and the medical puzzles remain. Dr. House is not in the house!
The worst part of my stay? It was when I overheard my 80 year old roommate tell someone he is a devout atheist and that leaving the church 12 years ago was the smartest thing he has ever done. He told the woman visiting that science is dependable and reliable and amazing. She asked about community. He got quiet for a second and said, “It is a very lonely life … I am very lonely.”
He has no interest in talking with me. My cover was blown my first day here when someone introduced me as a pastor. He’s angry at me and angry at something he calls “the church.”
My heart breaks. He doesn’t know the Lover of our Souls and the army of lovers who
follow. I pray for this kind old man. I am sorry someone wounded him so deeply while wearing a Jesus badge on their chest.
Today, I will be knocked unconscious and the staff here will have a peek inside me. They’ll look at my esophagus and the inner lining of my stomach. They’ll ride the magic school bus and explore my inner workings. That doesn’t really have me worked up at all. I hope they find the nasty critters giving me pain and shoot them all.
But beyond that …. I pray for my roommate. If only he could see my Jesus beyond an institution, if only He would come to know the Lover of our Souls. If only He knew the army of lovers.
Sure, pray for me today for tests and anesthesia and pain levels. But more than anything, could you pray for my roommate, Charles”? He’s just so lonely.
Thank you, army of lovers.
1 John 4:21 And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother
What a beautiful post. Knowing that the Holy Spirit is there in your room with you and that God is still using you through all this craziness. You are a blessing to me and an encourager even through your battle. I will continue to pray for you and will add prayers for your roommate too. Thank you! H
Hi Scott, praying for you and your precious family. Miss you guys. I would like to stop by with a meal, but you have a much better chef at your house! JK Do you have any dietary restrictions? Love you guys, Sandy Krabbe
I am so glad to see you blogging about life and Jesus impact on life again. It is so easy to praise God when things are good, but when things are not so Good, the praise does more to benefit man, the man praising and the man listening. If Charles’ life is changed by the praise then I am glad, but I confess not because God has saved him but because then your pain and illness was not in vain. I want you out of the hospital and out of pain. I am sorry if that is selfish. Just how I feel. Sisah
I hear you sis. Charles is not open to me at all. He’s even a little hostile.
God is the relentless pursuer of those he has created and forever loves. That is certainly why you are next to Charles. You are there emitting all of His love, something Science has no metric for. Praying today for you, Scott, Charles, and the untold number of others just like both of you.
I will prayer for you Both. You both will be fine . God is with you. I have had the same thing you are having done. I have it done once a year. I will have it again on Oct. 10th of this year. I will see you soon
After reading this blog, I’m really looking forward to meeting you someday. I think it’ll really be something to know you….something really good.
I look forward to that day too! Let’s make it happen this fall.
I will definitely pray for Charles! I was driving down the road the other day, on my way to a doctor’s appointment and I had Fox News on. They were talking to an athiest about how he didn’t like a principal having a prayer meeting (during OFF school hours) with parents who wanted to participate. He made a smug comment about “Their God in the sky”. My first reaction was to gasp – then to not barf – and then I immediately prayed for him. Life is hard. Life is really really really hard. Life is even hard with God sometimes. How could someone possibly go through life without God?
I am praying for you as well. You are in my thoughts! Pray for me too, please.
Praying Wendy! Email me an update if you would.