I had a friend send me this quote telling me it was about me:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. – Dr. Elizabeth KublerRoss”
I am not beautiful, but I want to be. How do I know know I’m not?
1) When I see my caller ID and I can’t handle talking to the person, I just don’t answer.
2) When well meaning people bring me books about how to die, promises to claim, brochures to read, I’m not even polite. As soon as they leave, I dump the propoganda immediately into the trash When they want to leave it for me to return to them, I just tell them to take them home.
3) I haven’t prayed in 3-4 weeks.
4) I have no interest in “going to church.” Everywhere I go I have to give liver transplant lessons over and over and over. I miss the community. I think there are two missional communities that would allow me to be a child of God rather than a liver patient – Windham Baptist and Southcoast Community church. I miss the community … if I get healthy on a Sunday I will go and worship by trying to sing but won’t get it out. I’ll weep during prayer times.
5) I haven’t read the ancient book I love in a month. I’ve read mysteries, fiction and a world war 1 novel about an amazing hero. I’ve spent the last 25 years reading books somehow about Jesus. Now I read for pleasure and love it.
6) People who come in and tell me God would heal me if I had more faith. They piss me off and I want to toss them out my front door like a scene from an old cartoon.
7) I’m tired. I have a total lack of motivation right now. I am an emotional wreck and can’t even say to things to my kids with tears coming. I snap at the people I love and am mean and stupid.
I want to be beautiful but I am far from it today.
Inspiration? Sure, if you want to be inspired to be a self-centered Jerk!
The only thing I add to my salvation is sin.