What a couple weeks it has been! This liver disease ride is a roller coaster. A couple weeks ago I was still carrying around 20 extra pounds of fluid. Today, after medication boosts, I am back down to 208. Back then, my lungs were drowning and I had no energy. Now, I’m not coughing all the time but I am as nauseous as a sailor during his first storm. As weird as it sounds, I think I prefer the coughing.
Last Wednesday my local GI doc called to tell me my liver numbers are getting worse and he wants me to go back to Lahey to meet with my transplant doctor. I called thinking they’d squeeze me in during January. You know how scheduling doctor visits goes. No, 7 days later they want me in there. I’m glad they are seeing me so soon. Nervous but glad.
A local TV channel called me to do a story. I’m not a fan of hype so I almost said I’d pass. But, I figured, “What the heck do I have to lose?” 90 minutes of being interviewed and talking about the need for organ donors, how blessed we have been by our Faith and the support of others, the transplant process and needing to sell our house, got boiled down to about a minute. Robin and I gasped when we heard the teaser at the top of the broadcast which said, “a local man must sell his house or face certain death.” YIKES!
Our conversation of lost equity and the need to sell at the current price in order to provide a down-payment to purchase a much smaller home we can afford on Robin’s salary was reduced to us being left with nothing by selling at this price.
Wow. I watched and felt pretty bad. I know our situation is bad but it is not hopeless.
Then, lastly during these eventful last couple of weeks, I gave in and applied for Social Security Disability Insurance. That was a tough blow to my independence but I had to admit that I have been unable to work a regular job in 7 months and there’s no indication that I will work again soon. Sure, I’ve been paying social security for 30 years but I still have trouble wrapping my mind around getting a check for laying on the couch.
Emotionally? I’m fighting depression. People tell me that’s normal. Really? That doesn’t do much for me.
Mentally? I have a tough time focusing.
Spiritually? Dry. I’ve got books on how to live and how to die. I’ve got pile of bible verses. It sounds terrible, but I am having a tough time praying and reading verse after verse. But I know God is present and I know that He has time and patience with me. I am amazed how He provides for a whiner like me.
I like roller coasters. I don’t like roller coasters that jerk me around continuously for 7 months.
We all know people who have been made much meaner and more irritable and more intolerable to live with by suffering: it is not right to say that all suffering perfects. It only perfects one type of person …… the one who accepts the call of God in Christ Jesus. –Oswald Chambers