I’m sure you’ve had the experience where a song gets stuck in your head and you just can’t shake it no matter what you do? Right now the chorus, “you make my speakers go boom boom” keeps playing over and over in my mind.
I’m back in the hospital again. High fevers and some type of mystery infection has me back here at Lahey Clinic where I know most of the nurses by name.
The terrifying song that repeats in my mind with every fever and every new pain is a fear that my body is rejecting my liver. Evidently it’s a stupid song because all my liver numbers are still great. Stupid songs get stuck in our heads just as easily as good toe-tappers.
My transplant team is trying to figure out what’s going on. They CT scanned me looking for the little abscess they found last time. This morning one doctor on my team came in and told me the CAT scan showed no abscess. About 2 hours later, the whole team came in and Doc Lewis said it looks like the abscess is bigger but that he wanted to meet with the radiologist to be sure. Then, in the afternoon, another member of the team told me the abscess is gone.
I’ve got another mystery infection. We transplant recipients can’t fight off things like other people can. We take drugs that put our immune systems into a coma so that our bodies won’t be mean to our new organs. It’s just a part of life post transplant.
Rejection is the worst-case scenario. I’m wondering if the day will come when the rejection song stops playing in my mind. I know the bible says God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear. I think having a “spirit of fear” is like when someone is a scaredy cat afraid of everything. I don’t have a spirit of fear but I know when things are scary. Rejection is scary.
When will this song stop playing. Please, someone change the station!