I share the following from one of my readers who is writing his own story in the face of suffering…
God bless you Scott. I totally agree with you.
I went through a very debilitating illness myself two years ago. It was living hell, and something that I never felt I would ever recover of heal from. I was at the end of my ropes, and though not a Christian at the time, I asked the Lord Jesus to take me, to end my life.
I would cry for hours on end, and could not function enough to remember if I had taken my medicine or not, or go into a grocery store. Why me? What did I do? Please end this anxiety and depression. “Oh please Jesus, please” I would beg.
Gradually I got better through the love and support of my family, the medication I needed to take but mainly because of Jesus Christ. If it were not for Him, I would not have made it, and no one can take that away from me or tell me differently. What was once a life lost in hopelessness became one full of faith, love and generosity.
Since then I have lost my job, joining my partner who had lost their job as well. Would we lose the house? our cars? our animals? How would we make it? Well those are questions I would ask and dwell on in despair before I was ill, but my faith was so strong that we moved forward.
My ex-wife died March 2, 2011 unexpectedly and I had to be there for my kids more than ever to support them emotionally and love them the best I could. And while they have not yet accepted Jesus as their own savior yet, He guided my words and my actions to better help them deal with their grief and depression. And now they know His name so very well.
There were other tragedies and disappointments, but rather than sit on my duff feeling sorry for me self, I trained to become a Stephens Minister through my church, I helped build a house with Habitats of Humanity, became a hospice caregiver and continue to work with the homeless and poor in my community. I say this not to brag but to tell you just how much Christ changed me, as I was a very selfish man at one time.
I look back now and realize what Christ had given me was a gift, a blessing. Walking through the despair and severe depression of my own hell, I came to know Christ and I have never looked back. Instead of worrying about all my problems, as I have pretty much lived on the verge of losing all things material, and not sure how I am going to deal with no job and no unemployment check, my faith has just gotten stronger and stronger.
As long I have Jesus I have everything I need. I look back over the last two years and see his footprints on my journey — He has never let me down. I might not get things the way I want but they come, and though it has been very hard dealing with my losses, Linda, my aunt Mary, especially Dianne, my father-in-law and grandmother, I know they are with Him. I do plan to go to grad school in theology because I want to know more about God, and I want to share the joy He has brought to my life.
I am sorry Scott if I took up too much space or time with this, but I too thought I had the curse of Job, but in fact it was the blessings of Christ.
Never ever give up because Jesus will give you all the love and support you will ever need.
Thank you for allowing me to share. And by the way, it was my sister who sent me your blog initially and I have had the opportunity to share your experiences, and I am very grateful for that.
Continue the fight Scott!!