Kinda scared

100.7 temp last night. 100.2 tonight and climbing. Terrible nausea and stomach pain.

We took a trip to Burlington today because the doctor wanted to see me. He pulled out the final drain and wants me to watch for higher temps. Infection is not a good thing.

I take eight Prograf tablets a day. That might be the cause of my nausea. I have a blood test tomorrow morning to see if I’m in the toxic level. Common side effects are nausea, stomach pain, headache … all things that I have.

My liver numbers have increased some and that’s not a good thing. They think it might be related to this issue that I’m having right now.

I’ll be honest, I’m kind of scared. I’m also pretty discouraged. I know this recovery isn’t going to be easy. But when you’re in the midst of it you get tired.

Today I’m very tired. And I’m praying that God would take away my pain and nausea so I can start feeling better. So far it feels like my prayers are just bouncing around. Do you ever feel like that?

I know my Jesus is holding me but frankly just I’m just not feeling it right now.

Robin feels so helpless, she wants to help me feel better. But this seems to be something that I have to suffer on my own.

I’m sure there’s a reason for it. I mean, I believe my God does things or allows things for reason. I’ll grow through this. I have no doubt.

But, right now I just want it to stop. The pain is almost at the level of pre transplant when I was lying on the bathroom floor. I don’t like that at all.

I almost laughed out loud today at the doctor’s. My doc told me to stop taking pain medication. Is he nuts or what? I’ve cut it down to maybe once a day. I still need it.

Surgeons can be funny. I love Dr. Pompaselli. His sense of humor is dry and I like to kid with him. Today he said, “why you feeling nauseous?”

Without missing a beat I said, “I don’t know let me ask my doctor. Hey doc why am I feeling nauseous?” He laughed.

So, here I am again God. Suffering. Pain. Nausea. Wondering where you are? I’d love to feel you by my side, I would love it if you would take the pain away.

If not, help me to learn what you would have me learn quickly so that I might glorify you.

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About Scott Linscott

Living life to the fullest, walking in the dust of my Rabbi, creating art through photography and written word, speaking words of hope and encouragement at conferences, workshops, church and civic gatherings.
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13 Responses to Kinda scared

  1. Kim Russell says:

    When I was going through my time of sickness before and after KayLynn, I felt abandoned and alone. Even though I knew that God protected me and KayLynn both, when I had to have another ultrasound to see if the superficial phlebitis had turned into deep vein, it was discouraging. I wanted to be up and going, and be “normal” again. But my body was taking its own sweet time. When you are in the midst of being sick, it is so frustrating. I didn’t have a timetable of when I would be well again. Neither do you. I think that makes it harder. We want answers, we want to know. But sometimes I think that God wants us to trust Him instead, and to rely on Him, and then to look back and see how marvelously God worked.
    Hang in there. You are blessing people now, even in your hardship. And think the possibilities of what God will do through this. We can’t even imagine!

  2. Oh Tim you made me cry too! Thank you so much for sharing because your words come through pain and truth. Praise God for using bad things to make good things. Sisah gail

  3. FloridaVet says:

    Scott,

    Hang in there my friend. It is going to take some time for the doctors to get your medications correct, for your new liver to become fully grown and fully functional, and for you to feel “normal”. Just realize that on this side of transplant “normal” is a new a different thing.

    When I came home from my transplant I was taking 12mg of prograf twice a day. It gave me the shakes so bad that I had a hard time writing and even using the computer. After 2 years I am down to 3mg of prograf twice a day, and I no longer have the hand tremors that I did before.

    I have a problem that I believe you do not, I have hepatitis C. This is what killed my first liver, and continues to affect my new liver. My new “normal” is high blood pressure, diabetes type II due to insulin resistance, high triglycerides, joint pain, lack of energy, and intermittent fatty liver. With all of that being said you would think that I am dis-satisfied with the outcome of my transplant. You would be wrong.

    God is in my life stronger than ever before. I get to enjoy my family, even in the difficult moments. I get to see my grandchildren, our second one is on the way. I thank God for each day He allows me to have on this earth. Even though I would rather be with Him.

    Paul said:

    20. For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. 21. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. 22. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. 23. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. 24. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.
    25. Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith.

    Philippians 1:20–25 (NLV)

    God has plans for you too Scott. You have fruitful work yet to perform. God has His own reasons for the things you are experiencing right now. I will re-double my prayers for you. I am asking God to dull your pain and to give you strength as you go through this time. I am asking Him to send His Spirit to hold you up and to comfort you. I am asking God to bless you and your family greatly, so that you can bless many others with your testimony.

    Your son Josh has a wonderful testimony, what a beautiful gift he has given to the father he loves. I see the love your family has for you in the photos that you have posted. This is a wonderful gift that God has given you.

    I say these things to bring you up, to give you hope in what is yet to come. Hang in there Scott. Each day will have it’s own challenges, some good, some not so good. You faith will carry you through all of them. The seeds you sow will blossom into wonderful fruit for our Lord God Almighty!

    May God Bless You Abundantly,

    Tim

    • SCOTT LINSCOTT says:

      Weeping, my friend. Weeping.

      Amen and amen. Thanks so much for your words.

      Learning my new normal, Scott

      Sent from my iPhone

      • Not preaching my friend, just pondering.. Can you feel Him by your side when Robin holds your hand, can you feel him by your side when Jake provides food at the table, can you feel him by your side with Josh’s smile above you, and love in you, can you feel him by your side with Shara’s head on your shoulder…

        Can you feel him by your side when……

        Sometimes my reminders of Jesus are too close for me to see

        Praying for you friend.
        Kevin

      • SCOTT LINSCOTT says:

        I can indeed! It is the love of family and the prayers and encouragement of friends are truly the “wind beneath my wings.” (cover ears! Singing!)

        My toughest times are midnight til 8am.

        Sent from my iPhone

  4. Peg Toussaint says:

    So sorry you are going through all this again. Good thoughts and prayers your way!

  5. Thinking what an amazing gift the internet is. You can post your thoughts,concerns and fears and almost instantly know so many are there with you. Your circle of such is vast. It doesn’t lessen the pain but pray it brings a well of comfort knowing so many are upholding you. Love you baby brother

  6. whitney says:

    I’m sitting here crying for you. You are so much in my prayers. My pastor gave a sermon sunday…God does not waste ANYTHING in our lives. he uses EVERYTHING. Though he slay me yet will I serve/praise him. Love you and your family. Hang in there.

  7. Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

    I am certain that you are familiar with this verse and I’m certain at this point in your journey you are tired of waiting to “turn that corner” to wellness. I hope that our love and prayer support uplifts you and gets you through these trying times. We will be here, ever praying, ever standing with you and your family until this is resolved. I hope that if you can’t feel the presence of God right now, you can feel our presence and our prayers.

    • It’s the prayers and support of so many friends that does get me through. I am so thankful.

      I want to mount up on wings of eagles and am doing my best to be patient.

  8. Deb Grupe says:

    Holding you in prayer. Know that you are never alone.

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