Tonight I got a phone call. I recognized the ringtone “Centerfield.” It was my youngest son calling. Ahhhhh, I was so thirsty to hear his voice.
We’ve got a close family, Josh and I are talkers. Robin, Jake and Shara are generalnot more reserved.. Shara and Robin usually hold tears back, I’m a sobber, Josh can be both and Jake is a sobber like daddy but wants to hold it together like mommy. Nobody wants to be the blubbering guy. I think that’s why my Jake avoids blubbering-potential topics and situations.
People who hold things in can be really tough to read. I mean are they really “fine” when you have that feeling they aren’t fine at all? We all process things differently.
I’ve had some transplanted friends tell me people they love disappear, others have acted angrily (especially teens when we mess up their world) and others have become suffocating with their care.
In my family, I hear from my mom and dad, my sisters, my niece Steph, my nephew Jamie and Josh most every day. I get texts from my daughter now and then but am super blessed because she lives close enough to pop in for visits.Those visits renew my soul and give me energy. Her husband even checks in and we have text chats fairly often. I hear from my niece Becca 2 or 3 times a week and then have my online family posting on my wall. Not that I am so lame that I’m keeping score or anything…
I don’t hear from my youngest very often. I have been praying trying to understand. Is it that he’s 20? Is he freaked out by the thought that something could go wrong and I could die? Denial? Is that Culinary school so demanding that he isn’t able to text? He has frequent dead batteries and misplaced chargers … but the cellphone bill shows that he texts an average of 1500 a month.
I love my children more than life itself. I want to be part of their lives not as a controlling parent but as a coach, mentor or listening ear. Robin and I raised them to be adults at 18. Their decisions are their own. Sure, we still medel and urge, but we cannot prohibit or force. If I could force them, I’d just tell them their needy daddy demands three contacts a week or they will be grounded! Ha ha
Anyway, I get thirsty for connections with my kids. Josh has been helping me understand and said. “I knew he’d call eventually.”
I guess I knew it too. I texted back, “But in the meantime, I felt like a guy crossing the desert needing a drink. I knew where the well was and I knew I’d eventually get that drink but knowing had no impact on my thirst.”
I’ve got three awesome kids who I would literally die for. I am so proud of each of them.
Jake is driving home this weekend and I plan to do a lot of drinking …and maybe some father/son blubbering. (Can I force him not to be 20 and ditch us for friends, movies, hot wings? Haha)
If you’re chronically ill, you may well be thirsting for connections with close people who have withdrawn. We can’t take it as a sign that they don’t care. The may not even know we miss them. Be brave enough to tell them you love and miss them and are thirsty for contact with them. And then if they give no response,relax and pray that the Lord will take away their anger and make them thirsty too.
They will drink eventually. May God allow you to keep your spirit up while you wait and continue to show them love. I like humorous, slightly inappropriate greeting cards that say “miss you” or “thinking of you.”
Perhaps, his fear of the situation is making him put his head in the sand in denial. I regretfully admit to having been quite guilty of it with my mom when she was dying of cancer and I was 19. I came home from college most weekends, but was off with my boyfriend (now husband) far more than home those weekends, not realizing time was so short and not WANTING to realize it. That was in days of far fewer medical successes.
I don’t know you, Scott, but read your blogs posted by my friend, Michelle Koerner. I pray for you.
I have heard from lots of readers on both side. Some have been hurt not understanding people they love won’t visit or call. Others, like yourself, have regrets knowing they missed opportunities to say goodbye. My Jake will be home for the weekend and then be in the OR waiting room with family on Monday. I am so happy about that. I can’t imagine the pressure my poor Robin will be under with her wonderful (ahem!) husband one OR and her oldest in an adjoining OR. Thursday they will list all the risks. Eeks!
Thanks for reading, Peg and thanks for being a friend to Michelle. Our daughter takes her middle name from Michelle.
Hey Scottio ~ Your blog today blessed me as my thirst is very intense for my son. He is “off” in Massachusetts finishing things up with his education/training. I know he has a girlfriend, works (last I heard) at Outback in some town or other, and that’s about it. Doesn’t call, answer texts, emails, fb messages or phone messages. Don’t know why . . I’m not sick , and he’s 25 years old. It just encouraged me to read this part: “And then if they give no response,relax and pray that the Lord will take away their anger and make them thirsty too.
They will drink eventually. May God allow you to keep your spirit up while you wait and continue to show them love.”
Thanks! Praying for all of you. xo
I’m thinking that “bing” drinking will make you like Chandler! Hehe
Thanks I needed that perspective! I take things so personal and I always try to remember what I was like as a young adult to my Mommy and Daddy(unfortunately to my shame). When your thirsty your thirsty reason doesn’t always win out.