Today I hurt neighbor doggies, mail carrier, texties and telemarketers…

Have you seen the commercial with the sad doggy who just wants to play but his own just sits in a dark corner chair? Man, that’s depressing.

I’m thinking I’m effecting the quality of life of canines in Westbrook. Am I sending out waves of doggy depression? The commercial says it hurts everyone so I must be!

I read something about depression and it gave signs:

Common signs and symptoms of depression

  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation. {uh huh … just rely on others}
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure. {still interested = as long as I can pee every 20 minutes. Seriously! I peed 6 times during the Hunger Games movie!)
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia). (I sleep more than a droopy-eared, toothless hound dog – or not.)
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves. (not violent, but i have a shorter fuse for sure. And I have no filter on my words)
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete. (Gee … liver disease does that too. I’m blaming cirrhosis)
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes. (Wait, should I hate myself too? That doesn’t sound fun … and dogs would hate it.)
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports. (other than parachuting and scaling rock mountain faces with no ropes, I’ve got nothing.)
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things. (The other day I was … oh wait, that wasn’t me. I do have a tough time tracking appointments and task lists.)
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain. (um, liver at end of life span? Explained.)

Am I depressed? I think I kind of am but it’s not like some sort of unexplainable moping. I think there are different degrees of depression from childbirth (“Wah!!! Where’s my wooby???”) to teenage angst (“My life sucks. He broke up with me.”) to the adult kinds of “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do.”

Every doctor and nurse asks me if I’m depressed. If I say yes, I get more pills. What’s the goal? Should I go skipping into the transplant singing a happy smurfish tune?

Sure, I’m down in the dumps but shouldn’t I be?

I’ve read Psalms, Job, and the gospels (the ones with the red Jesus words). I’ve read promise books and prayer books. I’ve read every Sports Illustrated (except the naughty one) and browse the paper online everyday. Sundays I get the real paper from our nice neighbor Ted who gives me his when he’s done.

For now, this is my (and your?) lot and I will do my best to allow myself some times of whining and wallowing. I think we’re allowed. We can visit Mopey Meadows but we need not live there.

Forgive me for being Downer Donald. Your emails, cards and kindnesses do a great deal to pull me out of the liver disease MUCK pit. I love you so much for the way you are battling this disease with me.

If you come for a little visit, please leave your doggy home, I don’t want to hurt him with my telepathic doggy depression waves. If it worked on cats I’d encourage you to round up as many as you could find and bring them on over!

NOTE: No actual doggies were harmed in the writing of this blog. 😉

About Scott Linscott

Living life to the fullest, walking in the dust of my Rabbi, creating art through photography and written word, speaking words of hope and encouragement at conferences, workshops, church and civic gatherings.
This entry was posted in Liver disease. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Today I hurt neighbor doggies, mail carrier, texties and telemarketers…

  1. Pingback: Mobile Printer

  2. Anonymous says:

    Scott- I sit here at 1:30 am after taking 2 steaming baths trying to ease pain. I have taken all the pain meds I can till 3:30. I had to drive to Kansas City a 45 minute drive from home. 25 minutes into the drive I had to pull over and take a 20 minute nap in a parking lot to make it to the destination only 25 minutes away. I can not sleep at night but require sleep at weird times for long periods of time. I can so relate to your blogs, but, I must admit, I wish I could not. I have been told God never gives us a burden so heavy we can not carry it, but,I remind myself even Jesus had some one whom helped him carry his cross when the load became much to heavy. Human beings require companoinship a someone to help us carry our heaviest load and I am glad I have a confidence in knowing whom I believe in and that I can do all things through Christ ehom strengths me.

    Prayers for your journey and Hope that your are healed.

  3. Julie says:

    Situational Depression is a real thing that gets documented in patient charts and medical records. It is depression brought on by, guess what? A SITUATION….(and not the one on Jersey Shore.) And for the record, I do NOT watch that show. How self-righteous of me to say that.

    Your transparency through this journey is so refreshing and well, just plain honest. HOW MANY CHRISTIANS ARE HONEST IN THEIR DIFFICULT TIMES??? Not many! Not enough!!! I detest the expected “plastic smile” and the “Praise God!” when my heart is broken inside. Isn’t this where others see our so-called “hypocrisy”?
    So, for me, you are a brother who is showing me that it is okay to be human, and yet still seek our God, showing others who choose to be real and not plastic, what it is like to go through suffering.

    If I could do anything to take your suffering away, I would. But thank you for being honest, because sharing your suffering is showing me that it is okay to be honest about mine. And now my tears start. So, once again, God makes some beauty from ashes. I am sorry it is at your expense.

    Best,
    Julie G

  4. lpalanza says:

    I wouldn’t call you Downer Donald (anyway, the appropriate use of the term would be “Donald Downer”, . .) I’d say you’re carrying those of us who may have lost sight of Who is in control here, anyway. . . and that is definitely not a “downer”! Praying for you as you get one day closer to seeing the culmination of His will in all this. Loving you ~ elel, and family

  5. Debi says:

    Yes situational depression is very real.. happens very often to people with chronic pain, illness and situations such as unemployment, death of a loved one, etc. Thank you for sharing your journey with the rest of us.. you are helping others even while you are going through your trials and tribulations. Last night as I was dozing on the couch, I could hear you and Glenn conversing faintly in the background. I am happy for your friendships and connections you have with others. You are NOT alone.. God is carrying you and your friends are trying to help carry some of that heavy burden too by praying and sending cards etc.
    I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone!

  6. Debbie says:

    You have situational depression to varying degrees, and who wouldn’t? Your situation is not a bowl of cherries, the garden of Eden, green pastures, or heaven; it is a burden. A burden that could crush if you tried to carry it alone. I feel honored that Jesus allows me to carry a tiny bit of that burden in prayer. I know others feel the same.
    The important thing, the one for all the marbles, is to remember that this is but a trial. All trials have a beginning and an end. Jesus promises to walk through our trials with us, and nothing, NO THING, can separate us from his love.
    He can handle our emotions and sooth us and assure us. He’s not afraid or ashamed of our emotions, he created them, and if for some reason we are being a Downer Donald in a state of self indulgence, well then, he is fully capable of revealing that to us also.
    As for those medical people who keep asking if you are depressed? That just tells you how normal it is to become depressed in your circumstances. Wstern medicine doesn’t feel it is appropriate to offer you Jesus, even if they know him, so they offer pills and counseling support. I believe they ought to offer it all, and Jesus first and always. I guess you’ll just have to keep introducing them to Him! I’ll bet he’s evident in your life Scott, and in Downer Donald’s. ;0)

    • Situational depression? Ive never heard of that but it sounds spot on. My Jesus is good medicine for sure. I long most to represent him well.

      I like your words about a Trial having a beginning and end. Thanks for caring enough to teach me that. I will hang onto that truth.

      Blessings
      Scott

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