Josh texted me in the middle of a meltdown tonight. Tears were pouring down my cheeks, sobs escaped from my chest in audible heaves and my throat was clenched tight.
I am home from the hospital carrying 30 pounds of fluid in my legs. Imagine yourself trying to sit on the toilet with legs that will not bend. That’s a
bizzare scene. While it is good to be home, the discomfort came with me. I have a line in my arm and drip in two doses of powerful antibiotics every day.
My sweetie came to bed and rubbed my shoulder and let me cry and complain. She listened to me plead with God and ask Him to limit my suffering. She offered a justification or two and then quickly figured out I was just venting and not really looking for answers. So she quietly comforted.
“Peace. Mercy. Rest. Calm. Please Jesus. Please.Peace. Mercy. Rest. Calm. Please Jesus. Please.”
Deep breaths. Let the the music rest my soul. I have been been putting together a playlist of music that lets my soul drink deep from my God’s pool of Grace.”
Josh’s return text reminded me of this river of love that soaks me and makes me shiver, “I vote the transplant route. I know you are tired. We’re gonna get it done soon. We have to. I love you.”
Last night I slept on the couch so that I could keep my feet above my heart. By morning my legs looked nearly human. My baby elephant legs were about gone. My giant ears still flop in the breeze though.
It was pretty comfortable though … at least it was until this morning when I rolled off the edge and wedged myself in between two couch ends on top of my shattered computer desk. Robin rescued me!