I’m sitting in my living room with 4 or 5 boxes. All but two rooms in our house are empty. I’m feeling melancholy and a bit sad. I feel robbed by this stupid liver disease.
We built this house. We sat with my contractor friend Don Morse of Morse and Sons Builders and began to dream. We drew plans, changed plans and decided on just the home we wanted. We designed a home for welcoming others and sharing our Faith and lives. We watched the lot go from a wooded corner to a sand clearing. We watched the foundation be poured and then walked around in the space imagining walls and trying to picture gatherings. We watched walls go up. We picked flooring and cabinets and lighting fixtures.We watched trusses go up, roofing go on and doors stalled. While electricians and painters did their work we came and walked around the house giddy. And then, we moved in.
Wow. Jake was 9, Shara 11 and Josh was 13. For the next 11 years we watched them grow and become part of the community. We hosted soccer and field hockey team dinners. We had swimmers come together. Our youth group and leaders came together so many times. There were home bible studies, dinner gatherings and celebrations. Our home became the place for our large family gatherings at holidays and special times. We hosted my mom and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary party. There are so many memories here. This has been home.
Tomorrow every room will be empty as one more load gets packed. Some of our dearest older friends will come and give it a final cleaning for the new owners after we have left. We will lock the door and walk away never to return.
Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful God provided a buyer before we stopped being able to pay our mortgage and taxes. I am thankful for our new little house that will be within our new budget. But, this would not be happening if liver disease did not take away what we built. That makes me mad … and sad …
Liver disease has taken away my ability to work. It took my health and my freedom. It ate up our savings and retirement. It took our house. It took me out of being able to speak and teach and it put off our vision for building a faith community that gathers to share life, worship, serve and grow. I hate liver disease.
But, I know my God and I know His promise to build us in times of trouble. I know, because of His promises, that one day I will look back on all this and praise Him for the good that came through it.
But today? It’s really hard.
Pastor Scott, my friend has forwarded many of ur messages 2 me b/c our situations have a lot of the same effect. Yours is so much more uncontrollable. There are so many people like me, that have been looking for jobs for THREE YEARS…. since there are mostly entry level jobs out there…we are told we are grossly overqual and are going to lose our homes. ANd,Im in marketing, which everyone THINKS they can do.
Sounds like maybe u didnt need such a big place any more and maybe once ur well, the plan is to free some savings/money for you to travel and spread your huge faith. Less work in a smaller place and more time for your ministry.
One thing Im sure of, is that he uses u to demonstrate someone that has faith beyond belief. U never have doubts, which Ive had. Sometimes my friend Dave will send me one of ur blogs when Im real down and I think darn this guys faith is still going and he has more to worry about…….
Our 25 year old daughter received a liver transplant in October 2011. It’s been a challenging road – but filled with blessings we never imagined~ God stood with us through it all, even in the times we felt alone. Our daughter is doing well now and will be married on March 3, 2012! Only 3 months ago we were at the culmination of 5 years of living with her liver disease! She had 4 operations in one week – a living donor transplant (donated by her dear friend of only 3 years!), a 2nd operation for a artery bleed (where we almost lost her, but God had other plans!), a 3rd operation for a blood clot, and in the end, the need for another transplant because of the 2 complications. God had her in His hands EVERY moment and carried her and all of us through — and He will carry you and your family through as well. It’s hard not seeing the road ahead, but it’s great comfort knowing who’s already there.
God Bless you and yours~
I am sorry to hear about the financial, mental, and physical damage that this disease is causing you and your family. It is not an easy road to travel. I have already made that journey. I was fortunate that I had a smaller sized home and mortgage to go along with it and The Lord saw fit to allow me to keep it. God used my illness to bring me back to become the follower He had always intended me to be. I will admit that I was quite stubborn before. I had to come to realize that there was nothing in my physical or mental power that I could do to make my life or the lives of my family better. On the day that I finally and completely gave my control over to God I received the call that I had been waiting on for two years. That they had a liver for me and I was ready to under go the operation.
When I received that call I dropped to my knees with tears in my eyes thanking God for His mercy and faithfulness. While the operation is very imposing mentally, the hardest thing I had to deal with was the initial feeling when they took me into the operating room. It was over-whelming. But they worked quickly to prepare me and within 10 to 15 minutes I was out. I woke up about 24 hours later with the operation over and feeling amazed at how well I felt. The doctors made sure to keep me medicated so that I did not have an issue with pain. Nine days later I was discharged from the hospital to go home and recover.
It has been almost 3 years now and I will not say that it has been normal, but I’ve experienced my first gandchild being born, my daughter graduated high school and is attending college, and my son and his wife are now expecting their second child. I thank God everyday for the life He has given me. To me every single day is an additional one that I shouldn’t have had. I have you and your family in my prayers.
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
2 Corinthians 4:15 (NIV)
All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Galatians 5:8 (NIV)
That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.
Ephesians 1:11-12 (NIV)
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.
Scott this is very sad .My heart goes out to you and your family hope you can make some new memories in your new home ………
This home will continue to be a prayer marker for those of us who drive by every day (sometimes twice!). It continues to play a part in your family’s life in that amazing way…..What a blessed place you have made it, Scott and Robin.
I read this post and could feel the emotions you are going through. I’m sad for you that you have to let go of the home that was built with such love but the memories? those you can take with you and they will always belong to you. My family is going through a crisis of it’s own right now and I “borrowed” your last paragraph to complete my post on FB… Change is hard and I know that someday we will understand all of this but like you said, today, it’s hard… God bless you as you continue on your journey and thank you for continuing to write.. You are inspirational.. you are in our prayers..
I’m feeling sad just reading this! I loved bible studies and birthday parties in this house! God has a plan for all of your endeavors, Scott! I’m looking forward to see what He’s got planned.
I am feeling the sadness with you. May you find unexpected blessings and joy in your new home. Linda Jones