I’m sitting in my living room with 4 or 5 boxes. All but two rooms in our house are empty. I’m feeling melancholy and a bit sad. I feel robbed by this stupid liver disease.
We built this house. We sat with my contractor friend Don Morse of Morse and Sons Builders and began to dream. We drew plans, changed plans and decided on just the home we wanted. We designed a home for welcoming others and sharing our Faith and lives. We watched the lot go from a wooded corner to a sand clearing. We watched the foundation be poured and then walked around in the space imagining walls and trying to picture gatherings. We watched walls go up. We picked flooring and cabinets and lighting fixtures.We watched trusses go up, roofing go on and doors stalled. While electricians and painters did their work we came and walked around the house giddy. And then, we moved in.
Wow. Jake was 9, Shara 11 and Josh was 13. For the next 11 years we watched them grow and become part of the community. We hosted soccer and field hockey team dinners. We had swimmers come together. Our youth group and leaders came together so many times. There were home bible studies, dinner gatherings and celebrations. Our home became the place for our large family gatherings at holidays and special times. We hosted my mom and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary party. There are so many memories here. This has been home.
Tomorrow every room will be empty as one more load gets packed. Some of our dearest older friends will come and give it a final cleaning for the new owners after we have left. We will lock the door and walk away never to return.
Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful God provided a buyer before we stopped being able to pay our mortgage and taxes. I am thankful for our new little house that will be within our new budget. But, this would not be happening if liver disease did not take away what we built. That makes me mad … and sad …
Liver disease has taken away my ability to work. It took my health and my freedom. It ate up our savings and retirement. It took our house. It took me out of being able to speak and teach and it put off our vision for building a faith community that gathers to share life, worship, serve and grow. I hate liver disease.
But, I know my God and I know His promise to build us in times of trouble. I know, because of His promises, that one day I will look back on all this and praise Him for the good that came through it.
But today? It’s really hard.