When your “innie” becomes an “outie”

When Robin was pregnant with each of our three kids her tiny frame meant she had a giant belly. She was one of those women who was all belly. We were pretty excited and we joked a lot. I remember struggling to climb out of our water bed. I joked about wanting a foam harpoon. One of my favorite pictures was of her standing knee-deep in the Saco river with a string of middle school students hanging off her in the current. I laughed hearing one of them yell, “Quick! Swim to the raft!” He, I think it was Ralph, declared my round little Robin, “the raft.”

In the final weeks her turkey timer would pop. Her innie belly button became an outie. My sweetie was an awesome preggo. How many women do you know who would have taken a canoe trip with a group of teenagers on a canoe trip two weeks before delivery? We joked about naming our firstborn Hiram Fryeburg Linscott if he had been been born on the Saco River somewhere between Hiram and Fryeburg. Just think, we’d have no Joshua Abram today.

I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant but liver disease has made my innie an outie as ascites fluid keeps leaking into my gut. My timer has popped. My belly is giant. I’ve got no baby to deliver though. No one is going to bring me little Red Sox onesies or Vermont Teddy Bears. My timer has popped because I have a diseased, scarred, pitted liver. The pictures are downright nasty.

My first two days at Lahey Transplant clinic went very well … and then I came home and caught a bug. My next appointment had to be rescheduled because of the nausea, pain and misery from a stupid little cold that anyone else would have easily fought off. Did you know your liver plays a role in your immune system kinda like putting up the shields on the Starship Enterprise? When the shields go down, the Klingon attack hits full force. Every shot is felt.

Now, instead of having my final status and answer from Lahey on Jan. 20, I have to wait until Jan. 31. This Friday I will head to Burlington again for an EKG with a stress test. That should be fun. How am I going to handle a treadmill when a walk from the parking lot already pushes me to the limit?

This morning a coughing spell woke me at 3:30 AM. I came downstairs and made a cup of tea with honey and lemon, brushed out the pellet stove, packed a box of something I sold on Ebay and then blogged.

This liver disease thing sucks but it’s my life right now. Why? I don’t know. Why do children die? Why does the healthy dad drop dead from an annuerism leaving his family behind? Is it God’s fault? I don’t believe it is. My faith gives me strength to face the aches and pains of life. It gives me purpose and hope. I don’t believe my Jesus makes quarterbacks win, empower beauty queens or celebrates Golden Globe or Academy Awards. He is pumped about people who invite Him to help them navigate life’s challenges. He is pumped about us truly loving others.

Gas up the car, Hiram! Ragtime concert Jan 29

I have learned so much this year. I have seen the heart of the Creator in so many kind and generous people. Now I have people organizing community events to help with my transplant expenses. The piano player from my daughter’s wedding is hosting an afternoon of ragtime music for me (info).

A 10 year old girl is raising a pig for me and her mom is coordinating a fill-your-freezeer raffle, for me.(more info) People have taken donations for my PUSH bracelets. Captain Hal Cushing is hosting a Casco Bay Sunset Cruise in June, for me (more info coming soon). People have asked me about

Fill-your-freezer raffle tickets $5 each, $10 for 3, $35 book of ten

sponsoring multi-family yardsales, car washes and bake sales, for me. I am simply blown away.

There are so many good, generous and kind people in this world of ours. Each of them possesses the stamp of the divine and reflect the heart of the Creator, even if they have no idea what to call it or how to express it. From buying groceries to providing heat to giving gifts for our needs, each makes me see the beautiful tapestry of humanity. I’ve learned to see the Creator in every person who crosses my path. I’ve learned to love more. I value them all from the people who send positive thoughts to the faith healers who put their hands on me and pray. I value the positive thinkers and the realists the same. The claimers and the God’s will people each are doing their best to love me.

My world is in turmoil. We close on the sale of our big house January 27 and then close on our new little house January 28. My life is in boxes with many more to pack in the midst of going back and forth to Lahey. I am trying to schedule flooring installation, appliances and painting with the hopes of getting into our new place quickly after closing. I am weird because I am looking for a place we can stay without saddling a host family with my issues. But again, we have had numerous people say, “come stay with us” which shows their love for us. I’m just one of those, “stay away from me when I’m sick” types of people.

My timer has popped. I’m ready for the stress test at Lahey and anxious for the answer and timing of my transplant. My faith pushes me forward. Your kindness overwhelms me.

The ancient book I like to read boils down to two things Jesus said:

  1. Love God
  2. Love Others
I think I’m learning what that means.

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees with his reply, they thought up a fresh question of their own to ask him. One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:34-40 NLT

About Scott Linscott

Living life to the fullest, walking in the dust of my Rabbi, creating art through photography and written word, speaking words of hope wherever and whenever the opportunity arises.
This entry was posted in facing death, Fatty liver, Fatty Liver Disease, Lahey Clinic, Liver disease, NASH, organ donation, Organ transplant, transplant and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to When your “innie” becomes an “outie”

  1. Scott, I did a little checking up on you and found out all about Axis and the good works you do. While we both know that those works won’t get either of us into heaven, it may very well lead someone to Christ and that’s an amazing thing in this day and age. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you go through this medical process… I love your writings and am receiving many blessings from following your blog. Stay strong and know that you have an army of prayer warriors standing with you for success. Your Aunt Betty and I go all the way back to the “Hill” and school mates right through PHS graduation. With her on your team, even the angels will still their voices to listen to her prayers and praise. God bless you as you not only fight for your life but for the souls of man.

  2. Anonymous says:

    My prayers are with you.

  3. Aunt Betty says:

    I love you Scott and my prayers and wishes are so strong for you. I wish I could do so much more for you. But sometimes I read your dipper and I see me and things to come. I know what you are going thru and all I can say is stay strong in God and go one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other

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