A lot of people don’t get the God thing that I’ve been writing about. I understand. I see the morons on the news picketing at funerals too. I see red-faced screamers yelling into their bullhorns looking like they are going to pop a vein at any moment. It’s a different picture than the Jesus I meet in the ancient book I read.
I’ve gotten emails from people telling me that they don’t understand my faith at all. Their reasoning is that if God really loved me, I would not be suffering like I am. Honestly, I’ve had days I’ve thought the exact same thing. I’ve had times recently at 2 and 3 AM where I’ve wept lying on the bathroom floor uttering, “Why God?” over and over again like a mantra.
Even so, I’ve come to see so many examples of people who do reflect the Jesus I see in my old book. As people have loved and served us, my mantra of “why God” has remained. But it has remained with a very different perspective. It has been more of a humbled amazement of God’s caring for us through His church. “Why do you love me so, God?”
We’ve gone from a place where I was the principle bread winner to a place where I hope to contribute crumbs here and there. While we have trimmed expenses, got rid of cable tv and worked to tighten our belts, our monthly bills continue to outpace our much smaller income. And that is where I want to let you glimpse the God stuff I opened with.
- We had no heat and then we woke to a ton of wood pellets in our yard.
- We faced disconnect notices for power and water. Then Jesus paid them both.
- We’ve needed groceries. Each time we got an anonymous $200 gift card in the mail.
- We were blessed by a local food pantry.
- Our coupon friend Heather has blessed us several times with toiletries and food from her extreme couponing efforts.
- We needed a fall cleanup and close to 20 came Saturday and got EVERYTHING done.
- My wife needed clothes – a $200 Kohl’s card came the mail.
- Robin runs 25-30 miles a week. It helps her decompress. But it’s getting cold. A friend got her a gym membership so that she can take care of herself.
- John and Linda blessed me with a mobility scooter that has given me freedom.
- My sisters bought me a recliner so I can sleep sitting up without my lungs filling.
- My mom and dad call once a day to check on me. Dad has taken me to the doctor and mom has made me healthy treats.
- My sister Gail has used her administrative skills to lay the foundation for transplant fundraising.
- My sister Gloria has come to just sit with me and keep me company while getting me to appointments and helping Robin by cleaning up.
The Lord knows your need. Yes, we are living week to week and feel the pressure building but we are learning to trust. We are believing He will sell this big house. We’re believing I will have fall photography jobs and we’re believing He will provide food when the fridge empties after this week. God is faithful even when my faith fades.
That’s the God stuff that people don’t see. It’s the Jesus I know. He loves you and I more than we can even begin to understand. The TV cameras don’t capture it. The guy with the bullhorn makes for much better video.
I don’t know what suffering lies ahead for me but I do know my God is faithful even when I’m sleeping on a cold, tile bathroom floor.
Jn 3:16-17 “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. (MSG)