I’ve never been this low

Another dose of honesty?

I’ve never been this low before. I’ve never begged God just to take me before. Now I have.

My decline has been steady since March. I’ve read a billion encouraging notes and words. Now I just try to smile and say, “thank you.”

I’ve been anointed with oil while friends have prayed in faith. I have people praying for me around the world.

I’ve cried more tears than I thought possible. I’ve been unable to speak. I’ve wept in front of strangers and friends. I’ve wept with my wife and family. I’ve watched my mom and dad’s hearts breaking. I’m weeping now. I’ve tried to be strong but I am so very weak.

I’ve reached the point that I don’t have hope that I will recover but I do have Hope in my Jesus. I am looking forward to being with Him, pain-free, with my new body. I have been healed by His stripes and my future is secure. I am so tired I can’t even think about a transplant.

I am watching people I love suffer with me and I hate it. I would do anything I could to take their pain. Jesus loves me even more than I love them. For the first time I think I understand why He takes our suffering on Himself. Unspeakable love.

How I wish I could see others know that Love as followers of Jesus. I hope that desire will be my legacy.

Some of you will be angry reading this. I know. I’m sorry. Honesty.

I am healed of the sickness mankind carries. I am forgiven. I am secure with my Lord. This broken vessel of my body is not my home.

Thank you for praying for me. I do love you all and pray you’ll know my Jesus more and more.

About Scott Linscott

Living life to the fullest, walking in the dust of my Rabbi, creating art through photography and written word, speaking words of hope wherever and whenever the opportunity arises.
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16 Responses to I’ve never been this low

  1. Dave Whitten says:

    Cheryl’s Aunt Nancy from Rochester,NY came in on the Cruise Ship yesterday and we spent the day with her. She gave us a book her daughter had written after her experience,,,,which just happens to be your path now…..stint and all. They diagnosed her with Primary Schlerosing Cholangitis (PSC). I have her email address and its in the book at the end. We’ll get the book to you on loan. Obviously, Cheryl wants the family book to cherish. HE made a way for Brenda, her cousin, HE’ll make a way for you too Pastor Scott. As you have said, many around this globe are praying for you. Keep running the race, Godspeed, Blessings,
    Dave W.
    I Peter 5:7

  2. Dave Whitten says:

    Good morning Scott. DON”T GIVE UP !!!! We love you. Jim and Ellie (Knowlen)

  3. Fang says:

    Know that for you, and because of you, I have prayed, for the first time in many, many years, to a God that I have questioned for the past 25 years or so. You have been so strong, for so long, for so many people, family, and non family alike. Let us be your strength now. Let us take your burden. Lean on us, and don’t be afraid to use us as your source of strength now. Don’t you dare give up. Sick or not, I’ll drive up to Maine and kick your butt if you do.

    Love you,


    • Quit making me cry, Fang!

      I am so very proud of the way you love your kids, determine to overcome struggles and even run freakin’ marathons!

      This God stuff? Life sucks sometimes, people are wierd and things happen. But, I’ve always believed He doesn’t change. Sometimes we go near and feel Him close and other times we’re in the distance where we can’t see or feel Him. Sometimes our earth quakes and we just hope we can get some strength and help by leaning on Him like a giant, immovable rock.

      I don’t know what’s ahead for me. As I’ve continued to decline, I’ve thought it’s time to wrap things up. But, you are absolutely right, our awesome family has been my hope when I have had no hope of my own.

      I still think you’re homely.
      Love you,

  4. Anonymous says:

    My heart is breaking as I read your words. I want you to be well with every fiber of my being. I know the pain being felt by your mom and dad as I feel it every day when I look at my precious child. Stay strong, cry when you need and remember how very much you are loved and how much joy and love that you have brought to so many. I am sending peace and love your way – God Bless you.

    • My heart is breaking as I read your words. I want you to be well with every fiber of my being. I know the pain being felt by your mom and dad as I feel it every day when I look at my precious child. Stay strong, cry when you need and remember how very much you are loved and how much joy and love that you have brought to so many. I am sending peace and love your way – God Bless you.

  5. aunt Betty says:

    I love you Scott. I wish I could help. Please do not give up on yourself and I know you will never give up on God. I know he will not give up on you. Always remember you are loved

  6. Anonymous says:

    I would suggest that you give a look at this website, regarding the place where my husband was treated/transplanted;


    They are a wonderful group of caring, brilliant people. My husband was on the transplant list for 2+ years here in New England; was on the transplant list in Indiana for less than 24 hours. If you would like telephone numbers or contacts, I would be happy to provide.

    G-d answers prayers sometimes through people. Please give this serious thought.

    • Wow. That’s wonderful for him. I imagine that like most of us, he sat on that list a couple years at a lower MELD score while his health declined. It’s difficult that we need to get sick enough for a transplant but with others worse that us, I understand.

      It is absolutely amazing to me how God has allowed man to make advances like this in medicine.

      Now if each organ donor would commit to finding one other person to sign up as a donor, less people would die waiting.

      Thanks for the link. I will look.

      I pray your husband is doing well.

  7. LL says:

    Thank you for being who you truly are. Thank you, because “seeing YOU” is seeing a brother who I am one with. Only when you are showing us who you are, can we experience loving you fully, as I do ~ as Messiah loves us.

    This post leaves me speechless (if that were possible!) I can hear the Father saying

    ” Behold my servant, Scott” oxoxo

  8. Alicia Berglund says:


    I have no words. Just know we love you.

  9. Why me? Why not me?

    I know God lets the rain fall on the just and unjust alike. He lets the sun shine on both too.

    Me? I deserve nothing from God yet He has given me everything.

  10. Wendy Onsted says:

    Dear Scott, I’m not at all angry for reading this. There is nothing more painful than having to be the one to watch someone else suffer. Most people think that the one who is suffering is actually the one suffering the MOST, but actually – the bystanders suffer the most because they feel helpless. But, if the one who is suffering knows Christ and His insurmountable love – they are only suffering to a certain point.

    I would love to see you get healed – I really would. But if you were to step into Glory today, I would be so jealous of you that it wouldn’t even be funny. The only thing that I can do for you on this side of glory is pray for you that your suffering on earth would be as minimal as possible. That’s all that I can do for you. But be angry at you for the way you feel – heck no!

    In the meantime, don’t give up the fight. Let them do what they can do for you. Sit quietly and pray. Pray that God’s will be done. Cry all of the tears that you need to cry, but don’t cry in agony and don’t cry for others. Let them cry their own tears. Don’t cry for them. Why should you carry their burden? This is God’s will. As harsh as that may sound, this is God’s will. As much as that may suck – or seem to suck – this is God’s will. Man – I hate to even say that – this really is God’s will. Your legacy will be carried on through this whether you live another day or another 20 years!

    Look at all of the people who are watching you point towards Christ through your suffering. You are amazing.

    May God Bless you, Brother. You are deeply in my prayers!

  11. Paul Turner says:

    It takes incredible courage to be honest and to be human. Know that I have I have been blessed to read your posts, but, let me help you by taking up a little slack in the hope dept.. I am hoping in the same Jesus you are, and praying for His will and His comfort for you.

  12. rich says:

    Scott no one will be angry with u you have touched lives in Christ your legacy lives on in Him God bless and heal we love here and in heaven thank you for sharing and the example of selfless love you have left us the world is a better place. For having you and you sharing your difficult journey – Rich

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