I hesitate to publish this but I was reminded that I started writing honestly in the blog and vowed to continue. It’s me. Right now. I wrote it responding to an email from a past student this morning and share it with you. I’m not sure what good it will bring and I fear it’s discouraging, but it’s me, right this momemt.
How am I feeling? One word – bruised. I just feel beat up and defeated right now. My Jesus is so close but my body is failing so badly. Right now I am losing the physical battle. That sucks.
As a man, I want to provide for my family. I can’t. As I husband, I want to be strength for my wife. I am weakness. I want to be consistent for my kids but I am total confusion. For others, I want to serve and love, but I lie here being served and loved.
I am so very blessed by so many friends who used to be my youth group kids. The church of Jesus keeps pouring love on me. It’s an amazing thing. It’s humbling and difficult but still so very, very good.
So there you have it. That’s me right now. I’m in a battle I am too weak to win on my own. Thankfully I am far from alone.
As I lie here posting this, my sister Gloria is happily waiting on me hand and foot. She’s cleaning the house, giving me pills, making me tea, disinfecting and giving her time, yet again, to care for her baby brother. Maybe she’s trying to make up for dropping me on my head when I was a baby. Or, was that Gail? Either way, both my sisters are amazing.
17 These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. 18 There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
– 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, MSG