I hesitate to publish this but I was reminded that I started writing honestly in the blog and vowed to continue. It’s me. Right now. I wrote it responding to an email from a past student this morning and share it with you. I’m not sure what good it will bring and I fear it’s discouraging, but it’s me, right this momemt.
How am I feeling? One word – bruised. I just feel beat up and defeated right now. My Jesus is so close but my body is failing so badly. Right now I am losing the physical battle. That sucks.
As a man, I want to provide for my family. I can’t. As I husband, I want to be strength for my wife. I am weakness. I want to be consistent for my kids but I am total confusion. For others, I want to serve and love, but I lie here being served and loved.
I am so very blessed by so many friends who used to be my youth group kids. The church of Jesus keeps pouring love on me. It’s an amazing thing. It’s humbling and difficult but still so very, very good.
So there you have it. That’s me right now. I’m in a battle I am too weak to win on my own. Thankfully I am far from alone.
As I lie here posting this, my sister Gloria is happily waiting on me hand and foot. She’s cleaning the house, giving me pills, making me tea, disinfecting and giving her time, yet again, to care for her baby brother. Maybe she’s trying to make up for dropping me on my head when I was a baby. Or, was that Gail? Either way, both my sisters are amazing.
17 These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. 18 There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
– 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, MSG
Drinking from the Same Dipper 
Scott –
I just wanted to let you know how much this post meant to me. Your example through this journey has been a tremendous example and encouragement.The way you’ve marketed your photography services and the workload you’ve been willing to undertake have been nothing short of inspirational.
Continue holding on to His promise to never leave you or forsake you. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there is any way I can encourage or support you through this time.
Mark T.
Hi Scott your words touched my heart. It’s true that as Christians there are times when we will experience pain, anguish and heartbreak. But know God is with you and will never leave your side. Although your situation may seem bleak or discouraging, never give up. Keep your focus on God and on Jesus. Read the book of Job…meditate on the words….And never give up..
I believe in intercessory prayer, and from what I can see on your blog there are others that do as well. I will be praying for you and will continue praying daily. Thank you for being open, honest and pure with your words….Many Blessings…..Robin
Scott, thank you so very much for your honesty. I truly believe that no matter what God has for you in the future He is holding that future in His hands. He loves you beyond measure. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you. After all these years I would be delighted to serve you. Praying for you without ceasing.
yes we pray and pray but our faith and our love for the Lord will always be with us. Scott please tell me what I can do for you. I want to help and I need to help. please help me to help you. I love you Scott
Hi Auntie,
I don’t think there is anything anyone can do unless you have an ascites miracle cream. 🙂
But I do thank you for your love and prayers.
Scott, I’m so glad you DID post this. So many (both inside and outside of the Church) have this view that once you have faith, things are bright and cheerful and you get everything you want. The reality is, sometimes life still is fraught with grief and pain. The difference for us, is that although we don’t know what life will hold, we DO know Who holds us! On a mission trip several years ago, my daughter broke her ankle the first night. Suddenly her trip changed, from serving others, to being one who was served BY others…all week. It was a seminal moment in her faith life; and it taught her how important it is, sometimes, to be the receiver and allow others to give to us in our moments of need. God doesn’t send pain and illness. But God certainly uses these things, too, to remind us how ever-present God is, within our hearts, and in the hearts and actions of those around us. Holding you in prayer…
I prayed for you today. You blessed me with your words.
I TOLD you that you were amazing! This proves my point! xo
Praying for you, Scott. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen…” So hard to do at times. Praise God for community of believers.
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, How blessed is the man who trusts in You!” Psalm 84